I love to run!
My love of running has developed slowly but surely over the past several years. I first learned that I could run when I was in grade eight. For PE we all had to run six laps of the track, and having never run more than about two laps before - due to my insistence that, if anything, I was a sprinter (which most definitely was not the case) - I had no idea what was going to happen. I ended up finishing second in my class, after a girl whose legs were the length of my body, and suddenly I was a 'long-distance runner'. (Nevermind the fact that 2.4 kilometers hardly qualifies as 'long-distance'.) Due to the unfortunate coincidence that my PE teacher at the time was also my track coach, I spent the rest of high school running cross-country races in the Fall and 800, 1500, and 3000 meter races at track events in the Spring. I did a decent job, but I hated it, and preferred to put my time and energy into school and dance. It didn't help that I was forced against my will - even in those seasons when I refused to go to practices, the coach still insisted that I go to the meets. I would never run on my own time either, but then would find myself lined up at a start line amidst a bunch of other fourteen year old girls in their weird track cleats and intricate braids. I was not happy. So high school was the start of my relationship with running - but it was a rocky start. I was starting to get to know it, but really didn't like it.
In university, I had to start working out of my own accord. There were no more dance classes, field hockey practices, or soccer games to keep me in shape by accident, and I needed to stay active. The gym was good for some things, but what I really wanted was to be outside. And so I started running voluntarily. I had no idea how fast or how far I was running, but I'd work up a sweat and feel good about myself. I still found running to be pretty boring, but at least it had a purpose for me this time. It was keeping me in shape. So running developed from something I despised to something I found useful. It kept my legs toned and my cardio in check, and I got some fresh air and sun along the way. I still didn't love running, but I was beginning to value it.
Last year, I decided I wanted to run a half-marathon. That goal came out of the blue, driven by my competitive spirit when a few girls I knew told me that they would be running the 21.1 kilometers around Vancouver in August. I signed up completely on a whim, and drew up my own sad little training plan based around my LSAT study guide. I spent all of April-July alternating between LSAT practice questions and long runs up and down hills in the summer sun. Training for that half marathon was an interesting revolution in my relationship with running. Unlike high school, I'd chosen voluntarily to run a race. And unlike the previous couple years, the goal wasn't to simply stay in shape and get a work out. However, I still wasn't really loving running. I was doing this to compete, pure and simple. But I wasn't even doing it for myself, I was doing it for my boyfriend. I didn't want to, or need to, show off to him, but I wanted to show off for him. I was always bragging about him to my family and friends and I wanted him to have something to be proud of me for. I thought that maybe running could be that thing. I ended up running a pretty good race considering my complete lack of experience, and it worked: we were both proud of me. Yet my relationship with running remained stagnant. It had served its purpose, but I didn't love it.
Despite my cry when I crossed the finish line - "I am never doing that again!" - I almost immediately registered for two more half marathons for the following summer. The sense of accomplishment that overcomes your body and mind when you've pushed yourself to your limits is something that needs to be felt again once you've experienced it once. I ran regularly throughout the Fall and Winter, but didn't take it too seriously until the upcoming race was a couple months away. This time frame just happened to coincide with my life falling to pieces, and suddenly my relationship with running reached a new height. Running was one of my best friends when I was all of a sudden alone and confused and overwhelmed. To be able to go outside and run anywhere, being totally alone and allowing my mind to either think or not think as my body exhausts itself, is completely amazing, and helped me through many rough days. I was falling in love with running.
My first half marathon of the year was a couple weeks ago, and that was a big day for me. I thought I was ready to run the race, but in the day leading up to the run I was depressed. Last year, I ran it for my boyfriend, who cooked me dinner the night before and got up early to drive me to the start line, and who ran almost as much as I did that day so that he'd be able to cheer me on along the way, because I wanted him to be proud of me. Now, I was standing at the start line, alone in a crowd of 10,000 people, with nobody to run this race for. Just like the year before, my family was waiting along the route with signs and cheers to keep me going, but I still felt lost, because my purpose for running was gone. I didn't want to do it, and I must have looked pretty dejected because people I didn't know were patting me on the back and telling me, "Don't worry! You'll finish!" I wasn't worried if I could finish the run or not, I was confused. Why was I doing this?
It wasn't until about ten seconds before the race began that I finally realized I was going to have to do this for myself. I was going to run because I want to, and I enjoy it, and I can do it on my own. So that's what I did. It wasn't a pretty run - I hurt my knee after about only four kilometers and spent the rest of the race nauseous and limping - but it was still amazing. Not only did I not stop, but I actually finished faster than I did last time. I proved to myself that I can do these things on my own, and, just as importantly, I fell in love with running for the sake of running. Not as a work out, and not as a competition, but as something that I enjoy purely for the feelings it gives me.
Now, I love running. We have a great relationship. I don't run simply because it keeps me in shape. And I don't run just because I can compete. I run because it is what I love to do. It calms me down when I'm upset. It gives me energy when I'm tired. It releases tension and stress, and emphasizes excitement and purpose. It allows me to clear my head and organize my thoughts, to make plans, to let my mind wander. It keeps me company. It lets me be alone. Most of all, I love running because it is through running that I learned how much I am capable of, all on my own.
Friday 17 May 2013
Thursday 2 May 2013
Happy Things
With my new routine (or lack thereof) that has taken hold over the past couple weeks, I've noticed that the days tend to blend together. I find myself thinking that Thursday is Tuesday and the weekend was both yesterday and tomorrow, because there's no class schedule with which I can differentiate Monday from Friday and everything in between and beyond. Because I write absolutely everything down on a calendar (yes - a piece of paper with a calendar drawn on it) that I carry around with me, I do still end up making it to all my events, appointments, and shifts. The concern isn't so much about remembering where to go, but more about creating memories to hold on to. When I can't tell myself that on Wednesday I went to two English classes then met a friend for lunch on my way to work (as I used to do every Wednesday), I find that I completely draw a blank on what Wednesday held for me, and it takes me several seconds to conjure up a memory of a day that was unstructured and out of the ordinary (as all my days are now).
My friend and I were browsing the adorable little knick-knack shops of Granville Island this afternoon, and in a stationary store we found a journal that we both loved. The front said "One Line a Day" and the inside had a space to write down one line a day for five years, with the idea that this line would sum up the best part of that day and would be a memory jog for years to come. We both thought this was a brilliant idea (we just didn't think that the price tag of $18.95 for a bunch of lined paper between two pieces of cardboard was so brilliant).
I was thinking about that little journal long after we dropped it like a hot potato and ran, and realizing that it could be the perfect solution to my current problem. Except, I want to take it up a notch. Instead of just writing one line, I'm going to write a list at the end of every day of all the good things that happened to me in the past twenty four hours. It's my little twist on a combination of "One Line a Day" and Oprah's Gratitude Journal. It can be big things or small things, and the list will definitely be longer some days than others. My one rule for myself, though, is that I'm not going to sit there thinking about it - I'm just going to jot down a quick list of all the things that have made me happy today. I feel like this will do great things for me.
So let's start right now.
What made me happy today?
1) I spent the morning replying to emails from past professors who not only want to write me reference letters for grad school but also actually asked if they could help me with my entire application to ensure I get accepted. This made me grateful because I went to such a great university, with an amazing English department that has professors who go above and beyond.
2) My friend and I spent the afternoon walking along Kits Beach to Granville Island, where we meandered aimlessly for hours before walking up to South Granville where we browsed in one of my favourite places - Chapters. This made me grateful for so many things: a wonderful friendship, an absolutely incredible city to call home, and beautiful Spring weather.
3) I started redecorating my apartment! (Sidenote - As my apartment has emptied out over the past week or so, I've become increasingly anxious. When we first moved in here, we did a massive bulk shop at Ikea, and the place was filled with all of the essentials in one day. That is just not feasible for me this time around, which made me very uneasy, until my mom pointed out to me that accumulating items one at a time is much more rewarding and satisfying than all at once. This way, I only buy pieces that I really love and that are great deals. So, today I bought a gorgeous lamp that I absolutely love, and it was on sale! Sure, I still don't have a bed...but I have a lamp that was 50% off and has tassels wrapped around the stand and a beautiful bronze shade, and that makes both me and my wallet smile.) This made me grateful for a fresh start in which I can do things for myself and by myself.
4) I went out with my mom and my sister for dinner, and we enjoyed a girls night with Mexican food and margaritas. This made me grateful for family, girl time, salsa, and tequila.
Well I can tell you all first-hand, right off the bat, that this little exercise definitely plasters on a smile and makes an awesome day one that won't easily be forgotten. Try it!
My friend and I were browsing the adorable little knick-knack shops of Granville Island this afternoon, and in a stationary store we found a journal that we both loved. The front said "One Line a Day" and the inside had a space to write down one line a day for five years, with the idea that this line would sum up the best part of that day and would be a memory jog for years to come. We both thought this was a brilliant idea (we just didn't think that the price tag of $18.95 for a bunch of lined paper between two pieces of cardboard was so brilliant).
I was thinking about that little journal long after we dropped it like a hot potato and ran, and realizing that it could be the perfect solution to my current problem. Except, I want to take it up a notch. Instead of just writing one line, I'm going to write a list at the end of every day of all the good things that happened to me in the past twenty four hours. It's my little twist on a combination of "One Line a Day" and Oprah's Gratitude Journal. It can be big things or small things, and the list will definitely be longer some days than others. My one rule for myself, though, is that I'm not going to sit there thinking about it - I'm just going to jot down a quick list of all the things that have made me happy today. I feel like this will do great things for me.
So let's start right now.
What made me happy today?
1) I spent the morning replying to emails from past professors who not only want to write me reference letters for grad school but also actually asked if they could help me with my entire application to ensure I get accepted. This made me grateful because I went to such a great university, with an amazing English department that has professors who go above and beyond.
2) My friend and I spent the afternoon walking along Kits Beach to Granville Island, where we meandered aimlessly for hours before walking up to South Granville where we browsed in one of my favourite places - Chapters. This made me grateful for so many things: a wonderful friendship, an absolutely incredible city to call home, and beautiful Spring weather.
3) I started redecorating my apartment! (Sidenote - As my apartment has emptied out over the past week or so, I've become increasingly anxious. When we first moved in here, we did a massive bulk shop at Ikea, and the place was filled with all of the essentials in one day. That is just not feasible for me this time around, which made me very uneasy, until my mom pointed out to me that accumulating items one at a time is much more rewarding and satisfying than all at once. This way, I only buy pieces that I really love and that are great deals. So, today I bought a gorgeous lamp that I absolutely love, and it was on sale! Sure, I still don't have a bed...but I have a lamp that was 50% off and has tassels wrapped around the stand and a beautiful bronze shade, and that makes both me and my wallet smile.) This made me grateful for a fresh start in which I can do things for myself and by myself.
4) I went out with my mom and my sister for dinner, and we enjoyed a girls night with Mexican food and margaritas. This made me grateful for family, girl time, salsa, and tequila.
Well I can tell you all first-hand, right off the bat, that this little exercise definitely plasters on a smile and makes an awesome day one that won't easily be forgotten. Try it!
Wednesday 1 May 2013
Routine
With the end of the semester comes a complete loss of routine. Add to the fact that the past month and a half not only brought me to the end of my four year university career but also carried me from living with my boyfriend to living on my own, and the change in my daily rituals becomes increasingly dramatic. My weekdays used to go a little something like the following: get up to say good bye to the boyfriend before he goes to work, go back to bed for half an hour, get up at 8:00 so I can watch Rachel Ray while eating breakfast and cleaning the kitchen, head off to two or three classes, go to work, meet the boyfriend at home, go for a work out together, come home and make dinner, watch The Sopranos, then bed. It was a pretty solid routine that had minor variations thrown in throughout the week. And I was very comfortable with it.
For the past couple weeks, my weekdays have been going a little something like this: roll off the couch (currently my bed) at whatever time the sun happens to peek through the curtains, put on a pot of coffee, forget about the coffee for over an hour as I lie back down in my makeshift bed to reply to emails and dreamily browse the Ikea website, remember the coffee and finally get up to make breakfast, eventually make it out of the house for a run, go shower before meeting a friend for a coffee date or a walk, find some lunch once I realize I'm hungry, go to work at whatever random time I've been scheduled for that day, come home and make dinner while I watch The New Adventures of Old Christine on my laptop (currently my TV), find some cheap way for my friends and I to amuse ourselves, then bed.
It's not a very solid routine. I wake up at a different time every morning and go to bed at a different time every night. My work shifts are all over the place. My running routine is inconsistent. Everything is a mess! Without any classes to schedule my day around, everything falls apart. And with nobody at home to keep me on track with eating breakfast at breakfast time and so on, my days are very unstructured. I've never not been a student before! And I've never lived completely alone before! This is way too much freedom for my liking.
There is something to be said for a flexible schedule, but I think there is much more to be said for a routine. That's just my personality - I become a little unhinged when I realize it's 9:00am and I have not yet downed my two cups of coffee and moved on to my first of eight bottles of water for the day. (Okay, maybe that's a little more obsessive than merely valuing a routine. But that's an issue to be explored another day.) Basically, I can only take so many days of this freedom. It's time for a routine again! And I figure the first of the month is the perfect time to get back into the swing of things. It will be a completely different type of routine than I've ever had before - no classes, no study time, no working around my boyfriend's work schedule or training schedule. But that's okay! It's time for a totally new routine. One that is based completely on me, myself, and I.
For the past couple weeks, my weekdays have been going a little something like this: roll off the couch (currently my bed) at whatever time the sun happens to peek through the curtains, put on a pot of coffee, forget about the coffee for over an hour as I lie back down in my makeshift bed to reply to emails and dreamily browse the Ikea website, remember the coffee and finally get up to make breakfast, eventually make it out of the house for a run, go shower before meeting a friend for a coffee date or a walk, find some lunch once I realize I'm hungry, go to work at whatever random time I've been scheduled for that day, come home and make dinner while I watch The New Adventures of Old Christine on my laptop (currently my TV), find some cheap way for my friends and I to amuse ourselves, then bed.
It's not a very solid routine. I wake up at a different time every morning and go to bed at a different time every night. My work shifts are all over the place. My running routine is inconsistent. Everything is a mess! Without any classes to schedule my day around, everything falls apart. And with nobody at home to keep me on track with eating breakfast at breakfast time and so on, my days are very unstructured. I've never not been a student before! And I've never lived completely alone before! This is way too much freedom for my liking.
There is something to be said for a flexible schedule, but I think there is much more to be said for a routine. That's just my personality - I become a little unhinged when I realize it's 9:00am and I have not yet downed my two cups of coffee and moved on to my first of eight bottles of water for the day. (Okay, maybe that's a little more obsessive than merely valuing a routine. But that's an issue to be explored another day.) Basically, I can only take so many days of this freedom. It's time for a routine again! And I figure the first of the month is the perfect time to get back into the swing of things. It will be a completely different type of routine than I've ever had before - no classes, no study time, no working around my boyfriend's work schedule or training schedule. But that's okay! It's time for a totally new routine. One that is based completely on me, myself, and I.
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