Polonius

In Hamlet, Polonius gave his son Laertes, after an otherwise long-winded and contradictory speech that leaves us questioning his ability to parent, one shining piece of advice:


"This above all, to thine own self be true."

In context, such a declaration is laughable, as Polonius has just spent a good amount of time telling Laertes to essentially take on whatever characteristics or identity will benefit him most in any given situation. However, when isolated, this statement holds great guidance, and it is something I try to quote to myself often. It's a piece of advice that can be consulted whenever a sticky situation is encountered or a  big decision is looming. One way I've chosen to paraphrase it as a mantra is with the term "true self."

When I first turned 18 and wanted to get a tattoo for the sake of getting a tattoo, I spent about five minutes deciding what would permanently be inked on my back. I wanted a bird, for the cliche representations of freedom and adventure, and so I looked up the symbolic meanings of different birds. I found that a swan symbolizes "true self" and so now I have a dainty little black outline of a swan on my shoulder, always reminding me to consult my true self.

I'm very good at listening to this inner voice, and most often choose to do what my true self knows to be right. Of course, there are times when I choose to ignore it or forget to listen to it properly. But for the most part, I take Polonius' advice and my swan's whisperings quite seriously. In one aspect of my life, though, I have subconsciously blocked my true self's expression. And that is what this blog is going to be about - finally tuning in and listening to what I know to be right in regards to my future.

I am an English Literature major at UBC, and have only four full weeks of class left before I graduate. When I first started at UBC it was with the intention of pursuing a Psychology degree, which soon changed to an IR degree, and then a Political Science degree. Finally, I acknowledged my true self's admittance that my favourite classes, and the ones in which I always did best, were my English classes. So I decided to make this my major. The hesitation had resulted from the constant and persistent question, "What can you even do with an English degree?" I was already getting this question about an Arts degree, hence my insistence on pursuing a "useful" major before finally succumbing to doing simply what I wanted to do, and I was dreading the inevitable need I would soon have of consistently defending my English degree. So, I set out to have a worthwhile answer to this question, and began making plans for enriching careers I could embark on after I graduated. 

What can you even do with an English degree?
Go into journalism.
So I spent days mapping out the exact path I would need to take to become a journalist. I would need an MA in journalism, and my marks were high enough to get accepted, I just needed some experience in actually working for a paper. So I went to the Ubyssey offices and told them I wanted to help and got through about half an hour of work before I realized that I absolutely despised writing in this "reporter voice" and there was no way I was ever going to be good at it or enjoy it. Next.

What can you even do with an English degree?
Work in publishing.
I've never liked the idea of working at a big company. I'm not the cubicle type. Next.

Be an editor.
Maybe, but I don't think I have the patience to actually do this full time for a living. Next.

Be a teacher.
But I like English literature because it involves literature. Next.

Try to be an author.
This is probably not something I should rely on for my livelihood. Next.

Become a lawyer.
This was the longest-lasting illusion. I went so far as to actually spend three months studying for the LSAT, write the exam, get all my academic references, have a consultation with an admissions professor, and start putting together my application. However, when my LSAT marks were not in the 93rd percentile, as is needed by UBC law, I had a second to reassess and to ask myself if I actually wanted to be a lawyer. The answer was no. I could do it. I knew I could be good at it and I knew I wouldn't hate it, but I would never love it. What I love is what I do right now.

Take this past Monday, for example. The school day started with my 10:00 Contemporary Literature class, in which we were discussing the novel Sexing the Cherry by Jeanette Winterson. It's a fourth year English class, and I find that once you reach upper-level classes you are surrounded by other people who truly enjoy learning about the given topic. The class was a 50 minute discussion on whether or not we should assume the romance scenes of the novel to be sincere or parodic. Of course, we reached no resolution, but every possibility was explored to its fullest. I then had my Discourse and Society class, another upper level English course, in which we are discussing the terminology made prevalent in the various mass movements of 2011, before my two hour break which was spent eating my lunch in the library and reading an absolutely wonderful novel called The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro. The best part? That's my homework! I then had my two hour English majors seminar in 17th century poetry, and this particular class was held in the Special Collections room of the library where I got to flip through a first edition of the King James Bible from 1611 and actually hold a fourth edition of Milton's Paradise Lost (my love for this poem is extreme - it was an exciting moment).

How can a day get any better than that? And when I tap into my true self to ask what it is that I want to do for the rest of my life, the answer is that I want to keep doing what I'm already doing. So that's what's going to happen.

What can you even do with an English degree?
You can stay at UBC forever, first getting your MA, then your PhD, and then becoming a professor. 

So that's the new plan. And this blog is going to constantly remind me of what exactly my true self desires. It's going to record future exciting moments in my studies, track the transition from student to graduate to student again, and it's going to put Polonius' words into practice.