Why?

"Why do you keep hitting your head against the wall?"
"Because it feels so good when I stop."

This was said to me the other day as a pithy reiteration of the feelings I'd been trying to express about running. I run a lot, and some of the time (when the weather is nice and I'm in good shape) I have fun doing so. But, most of the time, I don't actually enjoy the run until it's over. (This is because of something I've mentioned before - my obsession with particulars. If I'm not consistently hitting five minute kilometers as I'm running, then I tend to get a bit stressed out and my focus turns to checking my watch every three seconds as I try to pick up the pace while getting increasingly sweaty and out of breath. I should work on relaxing that standard.) Anyway, while the run can be enjoyable in itself sometimes, most often the enjoyment comes for me as soon as it's done. Once I've completed the distance I've assigned for myself that day, and feel as if I've consistently run as fast as I can, the feeling that comes over me is amazing. In the summer I ran a half marathon and set the goal for myself that I would run the entire thing, no matter how slow my pace became, so long as I never walked and never ever stopped. There were points when I cried (yes, actually cried) as I was running because I could not believe how tired I was and thought I might keel over at any second, but I didn't stop running and ended up finishing in two hours and three minutes, well under the two and a half hour goal I'd tentatively held in the back of my mind. I was on a high for days. Nevermind the fact that my ankles and knees were swollen and I literally couldn't get up and down stairs by myself, I had run as hard as I could and I felt great about it.

"Why do you keep running even when your toes are bleeding and you're sweating so much you can't see and you're so lightheaded that you're not even sure this is real?"
"Because it feels so good when I stop."

Without consciously realizing it, this is something that has applied to my whole life. Whenever I've neared the end of a tough semester and wanted to throw all my books out the window, my mom has reminded me that the coming break will feel so much better if I've worked as hard as I can. This is so true. Summer is that much sweeter when it stands at a stark contrast to the preceding months. Not only that, but it becomes all the more enjoyable when you feel as if you deserve it. Sure, a day lying on the beach is relaxing no matter what. But isn't it better when the day before was spent working, not lying on the beach, and you feel as if you've really earned this reward? I'm a firm believer in working for the good things in life. Otherwise, they're not so good to me.

I apply this to my daily life, too. When I have a lazy day and spend five hours watching Downton Abbey, I don't feel too great about myself. And by about the third episode, I'm not really enjoying myself anymore either. But when I've spent all day running around campus between classes with every break spent working on a paper in the library, and then my boyfriend and I go to my parents' house to watch The Amazing Race with my mom, some chocolate cake, and a glass of wine, that feels great.

"Why do you put your nose to the grindstone every day?"
"Because it feels so good when I stop."
(At least, that's one reason why!)