This blog is all about fumbling through my twenties, and a
big part of your (read: my) twenties is breaking up. Apparently I am quickly
becoming an expert on the subject, and I felt it was my duty to pass along what
I've learned so far. Because what's the point in crying into your ice cream
bucket (Did I say bucket? I meant bowl.) and discarding every last shred of
dignity if others can't learn from your mistakes? So here we go. This is what I
know about what to do, and what not to do, to survive a break up.
1) Go for a run. Or if running isn't your thing then go on a
bike ride or to a yoga class or just stand up and touch your toes. Do whatever
it takes to remind your heart and mind that there is a BODY here that is still
intact and needs looking after. Plus, working up a sweat and staying in shape
is something you are doing purely FOR YOU - and that is so important right now.
2) DO NOT TEXT HIM. AND DEFINITELY DO NOT CALL HIM. This is
the worst. You'll think you can be "casual" and "just
friends" but this will NOT happen right away - a text brings conversation
and then feelings and then tears and it's just not worth it. I wanted to text
my ex the other day to tell him I was eating an amazing avocado. But did I? No!
(Well, maybe . . . It was a really good avocado. Somebody had to know! I may not always
practice what I preach, but please do as I say and not as I do. Just don't text
him.)
3) Do your laundry. Wash your face. And for god's sake run a
comb through that mane. Nobody wants to see that. Won't you feel better wearing
clean clothes and looking like an
actual WOMAN instead of some messy little child? And what if you bump into him?
Did you ever think about that? Just pull it together, for everybody's sake.
Sometimes you have to FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT, and looking good on the outside
might even make you feel a little
better on the inside.
4) Schedule in some crying time. This sounds strange, I
know, but it works. Chances are you will be emotionally unstable and on the
verge of tears in the immediate aftermath, so by giving yourself some ALONE
TIME to cry you are avoiding potential public disaster. (I find the morning
shower is most suitable. You can get it all out then get on with your day.) Had
I not skipped my shower cry yesterday morning, I most likely would not have
flooded my nachos with tears when No Scrubs erupted through the speakers at the
bar last night. (TLC is a sore spot. Don't ask.)
5) Indulge in a guilty pleasure (or three). Now is NOT the
time for deprivation. Spoil yourself. He's not going to do it for you. I can't
tell you how many Oreos I've eaten over the past week. (Well, I can. But I'm
choosing to keep that number to myself.) If an Oreo makes me happy, then I'm
going to HAVE AN EFFING OREO. And if ice cream makes me happy, then
I'm going to have some ice cream. And if I want to watch the same episode of
Seinfeld four times in a row, then I'm going to watch the same episode of
Seinfeld four times in a row. And if I want to put three bath bombs in the tub,
then . . . well, you get the point. Indulge. Distract. Smile.
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